DITH IN FAMILY
In blue marker
On loose-leaf paper
Taped to the window
The reason
The laundromat
Was closed yesterday
Today I went
To pick up
Quiet air
About the place
Offered
My condolences
To the woman
In red slippers
* * *
Not sure if this is finished or not. Feedback most welcome.
On loose-leaf paper
Taped to the window
The reason
The laundromat
Was closed yesterday
Today I went
To pick up
Quiet air
About the place
Offered
My condolences
To the woman
In red slippers
* * *
Not sure if this is finished or not. Feedback most welcome.
posted by Steve Caratzas at 5:27 PM
(Photo by 
4 Comments:
I enjoyed it. Sort of a New York-style haiku about the nuances of urban communication between "strangers" who nevertheless touch each other's lives on a day-to-day basis.
Hope I'm not totally missing the point,
Lelange
Thanks, Lelange. I appreciate your comments. You didn't miss the point, your reading was spot on.
I removed the word "local," which had appeared right before "laundromat," as it seemed unnecessary.
I'm somewhat concerned with "somber" - is it too manipulative a word? Everything else I considered felt worse, so I might just stick with it.
I like "quiet" better. Well played.
Made a couple more small tweaks, to accentuate the poem's sparseness. Thanks to all for valuable comments and feedback.
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