Je suis désolé...

...Which in English means "I am sorry."

Thus have I hit the ground running in my French level 1 class, which began last evening at the New School.

Having already memorized an expression I use with shocking frequency in my native tongue, I feel I am quite prepared for the inevitable problems I am sure to cause Francophones everywhere. To say nothing of the Francophobes. But I digress.

I get to take this course gratis by dint of being enrolled in NSU's Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing program. Of course, one must first kiss ass sufficiently, learn the Writing Department's secret handshake, and curry favor like only the most pathetically obsequious sycophant. And no, I'm not being redundant here; infiltrating the CIA would have been easier.

So, now I'm in and all is well with the world, right? Fuck no. (There's always a "Fuck no" at the ready on The Blog of Lewd Enlightenment!)

I sauntered over to Barnes & Noble to pick up my text book, and nearly soiled myself when I saw the price tag on the thing. I turned to the nearest clerk and asked: "Uhm, is this the price, or my ideal weight?"

Now I just need to learn how to say "Urge to kill" in French, and I'm all set.